photography

Guys. We Don’t Want Pictures of Your Dicks. By Emma Raho

Despite repeatedly explaining the reasons why a majority of women don’t want to see photographs of your genitalia, millions of us are still waking up to unwanted, blurry, awkwardly angled shots of what appears to be a naked mole rat. The women who actually enjoy this are by far in the minority to those that really do not, especially from a virtual stranger, so why are dick pics even still a thing?

To help you understand why sending out an unsolicited photo of your baloney pony isn’t the greatest idea, I’ve put together a list of some pretty solid reasons to keep the camera pointing above your waist.

 

They’re not aesthetically pleasing – You may well be proud of it, but very few love pickles photograph particularly well. There’s generally sprouting hair, wrinkles, veins, and uneven colouring. In short your twig and berries look as objectively appealing as an uncooked turkey on the turn.

There is no coming back from a cock shot –  You can’t start over after you send through a snap of your trouser snake. If you have misread the situation you’re out of options and will just have to cut your losses and run. If you know the recipient in real life, the water cooler conversations just got extremely awkward and HR want to see you right now.

If we want them, we’ll ask – The supply of dick pics far outweigh the demand. Don’t saturate the market.

We don’t feel the same way about your privates as you do about ours – Women are primarily turned on by what they hear, men by what they see. A close up of a pink pogo stick doesn’t send women wild with desire as effectively as naked women do for straight men.

It’s an invasion of our personal space – When we’re chilling out in our own homes minding our own business it’s more than a little confronting to suddenly get a full screen portrait of a custard launcher assaulting our eyeballs. We want to choose if we see intimate parts of your body, we don’t want you to make that decision for us.

 

To sum up, if you’re planning a surprise Kodak moment for a woman who hasn’t specifically requested one – Just don’t. You’ll thank me later.

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