By Anne-Marie Jones
As a totally successful, got my ‘ducks in a row’ woman of 36 years old, let me tell you how to live!
Just kidding, but seriously here’s some things some of us need to stop doing or be more aware of at our age –
Judging
We’re all guilty, it’s something we can’t always help, but it’s something we can work on. At the very least, think your judgemental thoughts, but keep them to yourself!
If you’re a parent, or around lots of parents, this applies double for you – the role of a parent is tough enough and you never know what another parent is going through or what their full story is.
‘There are as many ways of living as there are people in this world’ – I was 11 when I first watched Harriet the Spy, and that quote stuck with me my whole life. I am currently watching Big Love (a show about a Mormon polygamist family), and have been thinking a lot about alternative lifestyles and how, if they aren’t harming anyone, it’s none of your business how people live.
We are, I guess, a slightly non conventional family, as I currently work and my husband is the primary care giver. We’ve had some pretty unnecessary comments about our situation, even though we are both happy and it works perfectly for us. When the roles were reversed (as they were for several years when our son was young), we never had a single negative comment, no-one found it weird or unacceptable.
Through the judgment we have faced, it has made me more aware of how I treat other people/families. If a person’s lifestyle isn’t hurting anyone or breaking laws, it’s a completely valid and acceptable way to live. If it’s not what you would want in your own life, that doesn’t make it wrong. If a person chooses to be a nudist, a Buddist, a polyamorist, a circus acrobat or a solo mother of octuplets, it’s none of your frigging business, leave ’em alone.
‘Not Adulting’
Come on. You’re 30+. We all have off days, and days where you don’t feel like doing boring chores – yes, they’re not fun. But social media seems to have made ‘not adulting’ into something to be proud of, and it’s really not.
A basic level of cooking, cleaning, hygiene, child care (if you have kids) and responsibility is the bare minimum of functioning as an adult (obviously there are some people with mental, neurological or physical impairments that make this more challenging – no judgement on that).
It’s not funny and cute to ‘not be functioning’ and it’s not something to joke about. If you genuinely struggle with the basics of adult life, you need to reach out for some help and get assessed for possible depression, ADHD, or anything else that could be affecting your ability to function completely. I’m not passing a judgement if you find these things difficult, I am saying it’s not something to be treated as a joke.
Lame ‘Personality Traits’/Quirks
Recently I watched an ‘Eat Well for Less’ episode that made me absolutely cringe. The husband on the show was like ‘Veges? I don’t even know what they are’, and the wife was even worse – ‘I eat cake for lunch, tee hee hee’, ‘Do I cook a slow cooker for 8 minutes or 80?!’.
I know a lot of it is meant as humour but it starts to go too far sometime. You are so much more than ‘liking coffee’. Being ‘dumb’ isn’t something to play up and become part of your personality.
It’s OK to joke about your weaknesses or things you like/dislike, but don’t make those things your entire being. You are a way more complex and interesting person than that, give yourself more credit!
Not separating social media from reality and not being able to step away from technology
Having a job that requires me to be online A LOT has made me more aware of the role social media and technology plays in our lives. For my generation, it is getting harder and harder to put the phone down, to step away from it. We expect instant replies to messages, and place expectations on ourselves to be available 24/7 (or at least, the hours we are awake). Try to take control over your technology, if you can.
Before bed is my T.V and unwinding time, I am a rather avid T.V watcher. I got sick of trying to ignore my Messenger while messages kept popping up, so I set up a Do Not Disturb between 10pm and 7am, and set my status to not show when I’m online. It has definitely made my evenings more relaxing – I can still check and read my messages if/when I want, and anything else can wait til morning.
Social media is where people show their ‘best self’, people forget that. There are lots of plus sides to social media, but don’t get caught up in the negative.
Don’t waste your precious time scrolling mindlessly through crap, use your time more productively. I once had a comment from someone who said it was nice that I handmade a card for someone, she wishes she had time to do things like that. She then went on to mention how she’d spent a huge amount of time stalking a former classmates FB profile that evening. I’m like….”You could have made a card?”.
We all have 24 hours in our day, social media can be a time sink that takes you away from actually doing something.
Spending all your money
I remember an episode of ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ where Dee says to the trio of guys that she can’t believe as adults in their 30’s that they don’t have $800 saved up between them.
It’s understandable that not every one is able to have savings, but for most of us, there are tiny things we can cut back on to at least try to have a small amount put away.
Think 24 hours about a purchase if you’re not sure if you really ‘need’ something, purchase things on special if you can, try some cheaper brands, and cut back on takeaways, drinks etc. Save a few pennies here and there and it does add up. Plus, the saving habit becomes surprisingly addictive once you start so hopefully soon you can have a little nest egg put aside.
Not having hobbies
This one is entirely up to you, but I can’t imagine life without lots of fun hobbies! I do know lots of people my age who don’t have any hobbies, so if you’re in that boat, find something and have a go. Literally, try anything. You have nothing to lose except maybe a few dollars, there are lots of cheap things to get into. A friend of mine who doesn’t consider herself creative at all, recently got hooked into diamond art. Look in op shops, people often donate new/near-new hobby sets. Kmart offers craft beginner kits like soap making, candle making and macrame.
It might spark a passion, or even a new career, or will at least give you something to do when you’re bored.
So, take a good think about how you’re living your adult life, and, of course, don’t forget to wear sunscreen!
