By Robecca Leyden
Showgirls. Yup the 1995 erotic thriller, directed by Paul Verhoeven and starring Elizabeth Berkley (Saved By The Bell) Kyle MacLachlan (Twin Peaks) Gina Gershon, Glenn Plummer, Robert Davi, Alan Rachins and Gina Ravera. The film went down in cinematic history as a HUGE flop, but the ruin of Elizabeth Berkley's career before it had a chance to take off. The way this film absolutely killed her leading lady status potential is the stuff of legend.
A brief overview if you haven't already seen it: Nomi Malone (Elizabeth Berkley) is a young drifter who hitchhikes to Las Vegas hoping to make it as a showgirl. After a driver who picked her up, robs her, Nomi meets Molly Abrams, a costume designer who takes Nomi in as a roommate. Nomi takes a job as a stripper at the lowbrow Cheetah's Topless Club while dreaming of becoming a dancer in the show Goddess, at the Stardust Casino.Through her friendship with Molly, who happens to also be the in house costume designer for Goddess, she meets the star of the show, Cristal Connors (Gina Gershon). There is immediate tension between the two women. This is a very basic synopsis with no spoilers, if you keep reading from here, there will be many, many spoilers. Showgirls came out 29 years ago though, so you should have seen it by now if you're going to see it.
Like most millennials and gen Z'ers, I live on the internet and have seen many, many screengrabs and memes from Showgirls. I knew it was an incredibly camp film with stripper-chic costumes and lots of nudity. That's all I remember from stolen moments on cable as a kid.
Meet our heroine Nomi Malone as she hitchhikes her way to Las Vegas, in possibly the best hitchhiking outfit I have ever seen.
Time to apply you most glittery of eyeshadow and shortest VERSAYCE dress and take a walk through all that is Showgirls fever dream, with moi.
1.This was a given, but I already want everything she's (Nomi) wearing.
2. That is a fantastic tan. Like super fantastic. Why is everyone so brown in the 90s?
3. This is the worst acting I have seen in a very long time.
4. We are 5 minutes in and there is literally so much going on already.
5. Wow Molly is unbelievably kind to this total, aggressive stranger (Nomi) ...... are they going to kiss?
Gina Rivera as best friend, Molly.
6. I feel like if you had no money, no possessions and no place to go you wouldn't throw a plate of chips someone bought you.
7. There are a lot boobs. Should I keep a tally? I'm going to keep a tally.
8, Nope already too boobs many for a tally.
9. Agent Cooper is in this??
There he is. Kyle Maclachlan a.k.a Agent Cooper a.k.a Zack Carey sporting possibly the worst haircut I have even seen.
10. Why does every single person Nomi meets, have a very aggressive sexual tension with her. Literally every single character.
11. Are Nomi and Crystal going to have sex? Why does Crystal hate Nomi?
Are they going to fight or fuck? Why does this tension even exist?
12. Wow you would think for a film with such a big budget, they would get dancing lessons for the cast.
13. Nomi is like if Courtney Love was Pretty Woman.
14. There is a lot of dehumanizing women going on here. So much so, it's uncomfortable to watch.
15. I never thought i would watch an entire 5 minute scene about nipples not being erect. Do topless dancers need to have erect nipples?
16. Everyone is ageless - young but old. I have no idea how old any character is. 20? 40?
17. That sure is a lot of pelvic thrusting completely out rhythm.
18. "I have a problem with pussy. I always have, and I'm always gonna." Is the best thing I have ever heard and I will be quoting it for the rest of my life.
He has a problem with pussy. Don't we all.
19. "It's a Versayce!" I am now going to say forever.
20. "It must be weird, not having anybody cum on you" Is actually my new favourite quote of all time. That is amazing.
21. That. Was. The. Weirdest. Sex-Scene. I've. Ever. Seen. I-
So much flailing. So, so much.
22. Why does Molly care so much? She's only just met Nomi.
23.That's one of the most iconic VERSACE outfits of all time. Nomi must have made it. I would also kill to wear that (Jk jk).
Ugh. I want.
24. Finally! The illustrious Andrew Carver has arrive. He has the best hair, my god.
25. Now that I think about it, this film, for all it's many faults is quite progressive for America in the 90s, showing inter-racial couples. If you see it, it's usually a focal point. I like how it's so common in Showgirls, no one even mentions it.
26. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. that was the most graphic rape scene I've even seen. How was that so graphic and the sex scene wasn't? I am not ok. This movie went from camp to horrific without giving me a breath.
Thanks, I hate it.
27. What the hell Agent Cooper?! Nomi was a hooker?? He knew?
28. How does she randomly know how to fight like a black belt? This has never been referenced once. I might be wrong, but surely the rapist of her friend might suspect that she's not coming to see him for sex?
Can't say I dislike that she beats his ass.
29. So Nomi is going to just leave Molly unconscious in hospital with no support? She beat her attacker, but link Molly possibly has no job or money now, and very much looks like she needs some rehabilitation.
30. That's it? Nomi has said goodbye to everyone, made me peace (and make out with Crystal) and is leaving town like some crime fighting stripper onto the next Scooby-doo mystery? What the hell did I just watch??
That was one of the worst movies I have ever seen...... do I....do I love it? I think I love it.
Not this fucking guy again.
