By Robecca Leyden
This is a different Interesting Women article today. The majority of this series thus far, have been looking at some incredible women through a very light lens. While I am happy to say this interesting woman has a happy ending to this chapter of her life - we are still going to talk about the big C (cancer) and for anyone to be diagnosed with is terrifyingly life-changing.
I have known Emma John a.k.a Sisterhood of Style for several years, mainly online. I've always loved her maximalist style, bubbly personality and in a world where describing yourself as a personal stylist can appear contrived - Emma has always come off as genuine. She radiates a love for life and a love for helping other women feel confident in their own skin.
Emma announced publicly she had been diagnosed with Cancer; and would be documenting her journey as a way to further raise awareness around breast cancer in Aotearoa. I was immediately taken aback by this: to be so public about something so terrifying, was incredible.
Firstly, congratulations on your end of treatment. For those that don’t know, can you tell us who you are and what’s been going on.
Hi Robecca and Team, thanks for having me. I’m Emma John (EJ) and am a Personal Stylist, helping women discover their confidence through what they wear.
The big C is something that’s very, very scary. I know it’s a big fear of mine, and many others. What was it like finding out? What went through your mind?
Cancer is scary and it’s also taken some very close people in my life, so I was scared of the word and process already. But I hadn’t appreciated what it felt like to be a cancer patient. It’s a job, a full time job and your life becomes about the next decision to make, the next appointment to get through, the weighing up of facts and decisions to make. It’s busy, consuming, harrowing and scary, but it’s your focus.
Cancer for me came right on the heels of lockdown, found thanks to my routine annual mammogram. The fear began when I was asked to come back in to get more pictures of the breast. Then everything started happening very quickly. A biopsy was booked for the next day, then a week later, once the results were in, I was diagnosed by my breast surgeon. I recall it being otherworldly, like I was in a dream or in a bubble and looking out. My first thought was to look at my husband as if to apologise and then how to tell our two boys. Two weeks later I had my first surgery (a lumpectomy) to take the tumour out. We
thought that may be all that was required. But further investigation meant that the tumour was bigger and nastier than first thought, so chemo was required and secondly, the breast had a lot of pre-cancerous cells in it (DCIS) which were a ticking timebomb, hence the decision for a right mastectomy was a no-brainer for me.
Pictured above: Emma John during Chemo and with her long, blonde hair before Cancer.
What made you want to be public about what you were going through?
I’m a bit of an open book, always have been, but after an initial weird reaction of spending a day ringing everyone I knew to tell them what was happening, I retreated into myself for a couple of weeks. The initial shock of diagnosis sent me into control mode, so calling people helped me control the narrative. But it left me with a massive vulnerability hangover. However, I found that cancer has a way of showing you the light in the world and I was overwhelmed with help and caring acts from friends and family. This was a huge source of strength to me and I felt emboldened by such generosity and caring.
But of course Covid and Omicron had plans to scupper all that good feeling and kept me from seeing anyone. We never really got out of lockdown. So sharing on my blog & on social media made me feel connected to the outside world, it was my social life and brought me so much comfort. It also had the wonderful added benefit of meeting so many other “pink-sisters” who would share their knowledge readily or we would compare what we were going through and it would be an incredible help.
Lastly, sharing my story helped me think my business of Personal Styling could survive, I could help others going through a tough time and show people too that yes, Cancer is scary, but importantly, not everyday is shitty. You can have joy in tough times and a great outfit goes a long way to helping that along.
Emma John post Chemo hair.
You’ve been around for a few years as a- I guess i would call it, body positive personal stylist. I have always known you as a very bright, vibrant personality. Was it difficult keeping so bright and positive?
No, not really. In fact I think Cancer has helped me find my joy more. It’s incredibly sobering to be diagnosed and it brought my life into very sharp focus. Who I loved, who loved me and how I conducted my life were all that truly mattered. I have always been an optimist but would sometimes lose sight of the real joy. Cancer brought that all to the forefront of my mind and joy became an overarching feeling to hold onto, to nurture and to celebrate, especially now post active treatment. I spent a lot of time talking through my cancer and the plan to treat it with my husband, my mum and my best friend. The three of them heard all sides of the case to have a mastectomy, to chemo, to the drugs I would take. I felt grounded by these conversations and it helped take away the fear I had. I dealt with cancer like a project almost, practicality first, listing the pros and cons and moving forward at each step with a solid plan and a rock solid decision. I didn’t linger or dwell on the situation too much, I was happy to weigh up a decision and once made, it held fast. Waivering wasn’t an option for me.
On bad days, I allowed myself to feel miserable, cry, hate the situation, then I’d move on to the next day, the next treatment, the next decision that needed to be made. I sought solace in bright colours and great outfits. And watched a lot of TV that brought me joy and comfort and gave my brain a rest of decision making.
I’ve especially found you incredible with how public you’ve been in regards to the hair loss that comes from chemo. Can you tell us a bit about that experience for you?
This is a big one for me. I would liken losing my hair to being as awful as being diagnosed. Many other cancer patients I have spoken too, felt the same. I was awfully proud of my hair and had spent (on reflection) too much time and money on it in the past. Being a Personal Stylist, I shouldn’t have been afraid of changing things up, but the hair was the one thing I would never have voluntarily changed. I’d had long blond hair for nearly 15 years and it was never going to change. Until it did. The 10 days post my first chemo treatment were the longest 10 days of waiting for my hair to fall out. I became obsessed with any hair coming out and if this was it. It happened one Saturday in February as I pulled my hair back into it’s usual top knot. Wafts of hair came out in my hands and I spent the next 24 hours obsessing & crying over it. My husband gathered my family and two besties to come over and the next day, with a brand new set of clippers, they all took turns cutting the plait off and shaving my head. It was harrowing and I hated every second of the process. I truly felt agonised because now, for the first time since being diagnosed 2 months before, I would look sick, look like a Cancer patient.
But something remarkable happened. Firstly my Dad said I had a nice shaped head (I didn’t believe him), my boys cuddled me and my husband held my head and gave me a kiss and said “go look in the mirror, you look beautiful”.
I steeled myself to do that, deep breaths all the way. I looked in the mirror for a split second and walked away. Then I came back, looked again, changed into a new shirt, added some lipstick and thought “OK, this is the next phase”. Half an hour later I was smiling and almost enjoying this new look.
So for me, a huge part of this journey is the hair loss as it’s so public, even if I wasn’t on social media and sharing my story, going out in public as a woman, buzz cuts aren’t that common and then no hair at all is even more so. So people tend to stare. I wanted to show that you can still feel like you without it, I wanted to show women that a scarf or turban can add so much fun and joy to outfits and that your femininity doesn’t all stem from locks of hair, there are other ways to express it. This became even more abundantly clear once I said goodbye to one of my boobs. Cancer took my hair and a boob from me, so my
femininity or what I thought was my femininity was needing to be redefined.
Hair loss and hair in general is such a big topic for women. We are always taught to view thick, long hair as the ideal and to hide away any hair that doesn’t fit this.
How did you navigate those feelings?
I dove right into celebrating the buzz cut because I knew that would go too and I’d be completely hairless for a while.
I added makeup to enhance my features, teaching myself new techniques and having fun with makeup I hadn’t used. I enjoy the prospect of reinvention and bringing new outfits together so I just channelled that excitement into figuring out ways to style my new bald look. I tried on wigs, but found them to not make me feel like me. Popping on a turban or scarf did. The more colourful the better. They’ve become a signature style statement for me. I felt a huge responsibility to share my journey especially with chemo hair loss to help de-stigmatise it as something we should hide or shy away from and I continue to share this current weird growth phase. This new sprouting growth phase is the hardest to show as it’s
not particularly pretty, it’s grey, soft as a baby hair and looks like seedlings coming through rather than a crop of hair.
But it’s important to show this whole journey, not just the bright spots, but all of it, the good, the bad, the
ugly. I knew so little of the cancer road trip before I was diagnosed, even though I’d seen loved ones go through it. There is so little you can control but you can control your outlook and what you wear, so I embraced that. My hair was my crowning glory and then it was not anymore. So I reframed what my crowning glory was. I stopped putting so much effort into what it was and put it into how I wanted to feel. And the overwhelming feeling I wanted to feel was joy. That can happen with, or without hair.
I love how well you’ve styled the turbans, they fit seamlessly with your style!
Thank you, they have become a massive source of fun and adventure for me over the past 10 months. Who knew there were so many ways to tie a scarf! They fit perfectly with my Style Story “Maximalist Chic with a hint of Head Librarian on Acid”.
Where will you go from here? How has this changed how you run your business?
I rise, rise, rise and keep moving forward. I’m now in the maintenance phase to help stop recurrence. So I have daily medications and a monthly injection to block hormones producing in my body and feeding my Hormone Positive Cancer. I have never felt more joyful or aware of who the important people in my life are. I feel like I have awakened from a slumber and now I get to experience the world with a different lens. I’m working on protecting my energy still, that’s a lesson that I am a mere fledgling student in, but one I must keep working at. I worked right through chemo and took the majority of the time off post my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. I have only just gone back this month to in-person styling with
wardrobe edits and personal shopping.
Cancer made me realise just how much I love Personal Styling so it hasn’t changed anything for me in that respect, but it has meant that I will dial up how I work and the sort of projects I choose to work on alongside Styling. I want to work in the Cancer space and am excited to help continue to help women feel more confidence to dress themselves joyfully.
Life’s too short for boring clothes.
For anyone reading this what is the one thing you would like them to take away?
I have 4 things, I hope that’s ok?
- I want people reading this to know that even in the darkest times, joy can still shine through. You can
still have a life in the face of pain and you can still enjoy your life while going through something
horrendous.
- I learnt quickly to accept where I was at. That helped to get through each day rather than wallow in the diagnosis or rally against it. I met it where it was at and faced it head-on. Acceptance in your position doesn’t mean surrender. It just means you’re in a better position to fight through it with all the resources you have.
- And one last thing, practicing gratitude daily works to help your mindset. I promise.
- Wearing clothes that bring joy to you and others is one of the best self-care tips I can share.
Visit Emma's website - Sisterhood of Style
Facebook - Sisterhood of Style Facebook
Instagram - Sisterhood of Style IG
If you or someone you know are worried about signs or would like more information head over the The Cancer Society for more information.
Pictured: Emma John styling a turban with her maximalist style.
