By C.J. Harte
Ding dong, the witch, is dead. Which old witch? The Minimalist Witch! That is right, minimalism is out, kids, and good riddance to that cultural zeitgeist as defined by a bunch of people who have undiagnosed OCD and want to hang out in a liminal space that looks like a sterile white box or upmarket mental health hospital. Would you like a white jacket with that as part of a matching ensemble? Fun fact: even Marie Kondo has given up on that crap!
But why am I being so cruel about that? Short answer: I have a soul. Souls seek expression. White boxes are empty spaces devoid of all moral worth and speak to an inability to express oneself. Give me old-world Maximalist, cosy-chic any day of the week. But where to begin? Let’s look at my top five. Quelle surprise!
Piles of Books
Books speak to a cultured mind as well as a cultured house. They also provide an extra layer of insulation, theoretically making your house cooler in summer and warmer in winter. But really, they are cool a.f. all year round! There is not too much to it kids, stack 'em high. They are also good conversation starters with other readers who pop around for tea or a cheeky cocktail. Reading is sexy, people. Be sexy!
Full-Length Mirror
Any fashionista worth their stitching knows that one should never leave the house until one has seen their full outfit from multiple angles. How else are you to do outfit checks without setting up a tripod? Eww, give me analogue any day of the week. Also, it’s good to have on hand if you want to do kinky shit… or so I am told ;p
Vinyl Records
Spotify doesn’t pay artists enough for mid-sized artists or even many big artists for them to continue to make bangers, so it is ethical to support them by buying records. Also, there is something romantic about having something tangible and physical to hold onto, and what could be better than a vinyl record? Certainly not a tape or CD! There are times when there has been a toss-up about where kick-ons would be, and I place one out because I had a sweet collection of wax. I have some hanging on my wall as a piece of functional art. Also, if you are having someone over for a Romantic dinner, having a good record collection can add an extra layer of sophistication that can, if played rightly (pun intended), seal the deal.
Japanese Screen
When I moved into my current house, a cute little heritage-listed art deco apartment, I knew I had to step up my interior design game for real. As soon as I had this epiphany, all I could think of was my need to get a cute screen. I looked online and tortured myself by looking at screens in European auction houses. Oh, the sleep I lost to reckless yearning for a screen! In the end, I stalked Facebook marketplace until I got myself a beautiful gold- painted, black lacquered number. In my dreams, I live on an entire floor of a warehouse apartment. With no interior walls outside of the bathroom. If I ever make it this will definitely come in handy when I change behind it, when my friends are over. At the moment, it is great for hiding the exercise equipment I used only once and the red-light therapy machine I used to keep my youthful visage. Also, the gold makes any room pop!
Objets D'art or chintz If You Will
These are the little gems that speak to your soul as well as your interests and passions. It doesn’t matter if they are op shop bought, or you bought them new as long as they speak to you or about you. I got a fun little statue of Michelangelo’s David whilst in Rome at a street market. I also have a Trudon candle that is modelled on a bust of Napoleon. Trudon is one of the most sophisticated candle makers in the world. This candle is an exact replica of the original found at the French National Museum due to special permission being granted by their moulding archive. C'est magnifique! Be classy, buy classy. This is also a way to save money, as I certainly could not afford a black marble replica.
Also, you can make your own. Take a pottery class, think of Patrick Swayze in Ghost and just let the clay speak to you.
Also, I have been told by some professional ceramic artisans that people pay more for the wonky ones, so that is good news if you are a beginner like moi! One small favour, though: don’t call it “brik-a-brac.” In French, that used in reference to lesser Objets D’Art and you are better than that my darlings.
Now go out there and make your house vogue and pop with personality!
