By C.J Harte
The Revolution will not be commodified… But it’s Xmas, so let’s subvert the dominant
paradigm with totally radical left-wing gifts for that anti-capitalist in your life or just level-up
your anti-cap game.
1) Wearable propaganda t-shirt
Recently, I have wanted to show my disdain for the corporate workplace via what I wear but
without being dragged before HR for an offensive shirt. That is why I picked a left-wing t-shirt
that is demure and low-key so I can virtue signal and find like-minded comrades in the office
and organise on the down-low.
I have two favourites in this space. The first is the slogan of the Jacobins from the French
Revolution. It translates to Liberty, Equality, Fraternity or Death, but HR doesn’t have a clue,
and if I get pulled up, I will just be like, je ne parle pas français! This shirt also looks great
with a complete monochrome look.
The second one is a mash-up of a Palestinian Soccer team, Lajee Celtic Club, the little sister
club of Glasgow Celtic. This was a limited edition collab with Primal Scream, one of my fav
indie bands of all time. I couldn’t get away with a Palestinian shirt in the office, but when
asked about this shirt by corporate shills and narcs, I reply, “I like football [sucker).”
These shirts will make you the first amongst equals at any protest.
2) Agitprop art.
Every home needs something on the walls, so you should put up your favourite high-art lefty
pieces. From time to time, I have hung my idols on the wall, like a picture of Simone De
Beauvior and Sartre meeting with Che Guevara. But these days, I have stepped up my game.
One of my favourite pieces is the Death Of Marat, the first real people’s martyr of the
French Revolution. This piece was painted by the legendary Jaques Louis David, father of the
Neo-Classicalists who famously signed the death warrant of the King and then ended up in
prison only to be released because he painted a picture of Napoleon Bonaparte that
Napoleon liked so much that he released him from the prison and made the official painter
of State. The dude literarily painted his way out of prison, yo!
If you want to know more about the Marat (the dude was lit), the French Revolution, or any
other classics Revolutions, check out the Revolutions Podcast!
3) VPN
Because property is theft, don’t pay for streaming services. Just use a VPN to liberate art
from its shackles. I don’t recommend stealing from indie producers, but big corporate
streaming fiefs can get in the bin.
I like to log into Argentine because that is where the Nazis fled to post-WWII to avoid the
Nazi hunters, so I feel like, in a small way, I am evening the score by geo-locating myself
there.
Nord VPN also has a Meshnet feature, which allows you to spoof your IP address to
someone who has Netflix to get around the password restrictions.
4) Contemporary Non-Fiction Book
Whilst the Communist Manifesto is a classic, you need to keep up with the times and the
evolution of left-wing theory if you want to be able to see through the neo-liberal BS
narrative control tricks cover jobs for exploitation of the masses and understand the lessons
from our times. Don’t be old hat, read a new book!
Peripatetic by Cher Tan is basically a theory on speed punk delivered in short essays for
those who lack concentration and like punk rock, This book is the bomb.
Psycho-Politics was written by rockstar philosopher Bung-Chul Han, who wrote in a style
akin to poetry. No word is wasted, and these analyses are dope. “Big Data has announced
the end of the person who possesses free will.”
Techno Feudalism by legendary Greek Australian Economist (the dude who found the
bankers during the Greece bailout only to be betrayed by the PM). This book talks about our
current slide into techno-feudalism.
5) A flipper.
With the rise of autonomous killer robots, we may need some seriously good hackers to
defend ourselves from the power elite. Start your hacktivist journey here!
There are some heinous mods out there on the dark web, so play safe (via a TOR browser) people. Or you
can just do low key things like shut down TVs that play right-wing news at your local pub.
Hehe!
Honourable mention: 3 D-Printer. Luigi Mangione used a 3-D printer to make parts for his
Ghost Guns. Make Luigi proud, comrades!
*This piece is entirely satire, and the writer in no way recommends engaging in any of the
above activities or in any way endorses any criminal activity against corporate feudalism or
techno-feudalism… even if they really deserve it!
