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How to Adult: Baby Love

It’s a bit of a shock when you come to a stage in your life where your friends are getting pregnant, sometimes even on purpose, and are happy about it. It’s a big 360 from “oh shit no!” to “oh fantastic, my mum will be thrilled” (look, I’m just guessing that’s the reaction to a planned pregnancy, work with me).

When your bestie gets knocked up her lifestyle and friendships will change dramatically. Here are a few ways you can help your friend through.

During the pregnancy she will be extremely tired, hungry and emotional. I was 23 when I got pregnant with my eldest and veered wildly between insisting on squeezing my growing belly into my party frock because I didn’t want to miss out and sitting stranded on the floor like an upturned turtle, eating grated cheese, and ugly crying over a Tear Fund advert. Both, despite appearances, are totally normal. FOMO is pretty common during pregnancy and with social media it’s even worse. Seeing pictures of your friends ripping up the dance floor while you’re at home on the couch like a grumpy space hopper really sucks. Remember to keep inviting your pregnant friend to appropriate outings like movies, lunches, and pretty much anything that involves eating and sitting down before 6pm. She may say no 16 times in a row. Please don’t stop inviting her, there’s nothing worse than feeling forgotten. Even better go over to hers with plenty of snacks and watch Netflix together.

After the baby is born she is going to be crazy hectic, and even more tired, hungry, and emotional. You’re going to want to go round ASAP to get your mitts on that adorable bundle of cuteness. However there are a few things you can do to make sure you’re a helpful visitor rather than a burden.

Pre-plan your visit, then re-plan it. Mum might have been up with screaming baby all night and be barely coherent. Text before you leave to make sure it’s still all good to pop round. Don’t be offended if she says no, it’s not personal.

  1. Be helpful. Take ingredients to cook dinner, do her dishes, fold her laundry. If you feel confident to, settle the baby while she sits and has a cup of tea.
  2. Try not to turn up looking like a million bucks. That’s the last thing anyone in two day old milk stained pajamas wants to see. Hoodie and a struggle bun is good, onsie is better.
  3. Don’t talk endlessly about what’s happening at work or the guy you went on a date with last Saturday. Check in on how she’s doing first.
  4. Don’t bang on about how some other baby you know who slept through the night at 3 weeks or how the mother’s house was spotless. That achieves nothing but making a a new mother feel shit. Don’t do it
  5. Don’t out-stay your welcome.

Your friend will be so grateful that someone is there to support her, she may not explicitly say so but as cheesy as this sounds, showing her you care is the best gift you can give her.

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