This year, I've been putting a lot of thought into what I want in my friendships, and what are some of the toxic traits I've tolerated in the past that I no longer want in my life. We can probably all take something from this.
Here are 10 friends you should try not to be or have :
The friend who makes it all about them : Self centered, me, me, me. Maybe they even think it's a 'cute' trait to have. When you try to turn the conversation to yourself for a minute, suddenly they have other places to be!
The fair weather friend : 2am, you're in tears and need a listening ear, they won't pick up the phone. You're shouting drinks, business is going well, you're happier and perkier than you've felt in years, they're front row and centre to be your BFF. We've all known people like this.
Or there's the opposite but just as bad - "friend who wants you to be at your lowest so they can feel better about themselves".
The friend who 'negs' : 'negging' is a recent term to mean making negative digs that try to tear down a person's self esteem. 'You haven't got many other friends, you're so lucky to have me!' etc. These can be quite emotionally abusive friendships and hard to recognize and break away from, and can be so damaging to yourself. A true friend would word things more kindly - "I know you sometimes feel lonely, I'm so glad I have you as a friend and can't wait to introduce you to my other friends". See the difference?
The friend who has you way down their list : Let's be real. You aren't everyone's best friend and they're not all yours. But if you have friends who rank you way down their list of priorities, you can't continue to rank them #1. Friendships only work if both parties are giving the same effort. Don't be afraid to take a step back from the friend who only invites you to stuff when no one else can come, who only calls you when no one else picks up.
The friend who only calls you when they need you : similar to the previous friend. You're useful for some things but don't expect the same from them.
The friend who talks shit about others/loves to gossip : the old cliche is very true, if someone is always saying bad stuff to your face about others, who knows what they're saying about you behind your back.
The friend who punishes/manipulates you : Uh oh, you screwed up - your friend caught you hanging out with another friend and now you're getting the silent treatment for a week. This isn't healthy, or OK. If a friend has a problem with any of your actions, they need to address it, and treat you in a reasonable way.
The friend who uses you for money : it is totally OK to be genuinely in need and to have to reach out for help, a true friend will never mind you asking. But you don't need the friend who 'forgets their wallet' every time they suggest a KFC run, or needs 'help for bills' every month while always rocking the flashest gear. You're not a bank, stop it.
The friend who constantly judges you and others : this is another draining friendship to maintain and is bad for your self-esteem too. And it ties into the friend who 'negs', they wear you down to try to make themselves feel better, and that's lame as hell. You can do better and you deserve better.
The friend who is embarrassed to be seen with you : this was a big one at high school for me, so many people who'd be nice one on one then in front of guys or 'cooler girls' they'd suddenly go mean or act like they don't like me. That is NOT what a friend is, and it's so hurtful to you as a person. As I said before - YOU CAN DO BETTER!
So this year, treat yourself better and ditch the bitches, cull any social media friends who 'no longer spark joy' and focus on quality over quantity with your friendships.
Friends should be people who make you feel good, not bad, and sometimes we simply just outgrow some people.
