By Anne-Marie Jones
I don't believe there is a huge difference between genders, other than the obvious physical ones. However, I do think (as a very broad generalisation) that women are less likely to assert themselves or say 'no'. I think some of this is left over from the days of women being subservient to men, and we don't do ourselves any favours with our talk of 'being bitches or Karens'. I feel like as a gender, we have developed a fear of being a 'Karen' and would rather not assert ourselves at all then get that dreaded label put on us.
A 'Karen', by internet definition, is a woman who ask to speak to the manager, and complains a lot. It has become a big part of meme culture for anyone under 40. Yes, it was funny at first, anyone who has worked in retail or hospo knows all too well the reality of the Karen.
But there's a side to it we didn't think about, and that's that it adds even more negativity around women asserting themselves, and fear of being labelled a 'Karen' may be holding some women back from asserting themselves in situations where they are right.
Most of the time you can get what you want with polite assertiveness, and if it doesn't happen, you can escalate to firmer assertiveness as required. Being rude is unnecessary and often won't get you what you want (or it will, but you'll be known as that customer). People, especially customer-facing staff have been through enough lately, you can be kind while standing your ground.
What's The Difference Between Being 'Karen' and Being Assertive?
Karen is rude, aggressive, pushy, with no respect for the staff. Being assertive is speaking up for your rights.
You ordered a burger with no mayo but when it arrives, it's covered in it. Don't suffer in silence!
Karen might throw the burger at the server and tell him 'it's got mayo, you incompetent asshole! I want to speak to your manager!".
Assertive You could say 'Hey, I ordered this without mayo and it's got mayo, can I get a new one, please?".
Karen will possibly find herself being asked to leave, Assertive You will get a new burger, no problem.
I don't know why it's so hard for people to be 'Assertive You' - you haven't done anything wrong and you're politely asking for their mistake to be fixed. You are well within your rights and it shouldn't be a big deal. If you are a 'suffer in silence' person, have a go at shifting to an Assertive You mindset. It may take some practice, but it is so worth it.
'No' Is a Complete Sentence
Saying 'no' can be hard for a lot of people, but it doesn't have to be. Many people feel they owe an explanation, an excuse, that if they don't have a good reason, they have to say yes.
You don't. Even if you just don't feel like doing something, that's completely valid.
Women often have their plates heaped high with so much to do and think about, and we need to know our limits.
With assertiveness comes confidence, and over time if you are someone who is assertive in any situation you are put into, you will become a more confident person too. People won't walk over you or push you to do things you don't want to do - you won't allow them to.
Be mindful of the stereotypes you are supporting, and don't criticise a woman for standing up for herself. And if someone says no to you, don't push it further, accept it.
