By Anne-Marie Jones
"What are little girls made of?
Sugar, spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of.
What are little boys made of?
Snips, and snails, and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are made of".
A few years ago, Emma Raho wrote a great article for us about internet etiquette and I liked the point she made about why we shouldn't be saying we "aren't like other girls". I definitely have some thoughts on this too, which I thought I would share with you so you can see why this way of thinking can be so harmful to women.
For the purposes of this article I will be using the term 'girls', as the popular expression used online is "not like other girls". I am not trying to be derogatory or demeaning to women, I am using it in reference to that phrase. I am referring to absolutely anyone who identifies as a women, of any adult/teen age. I also want to make it clear I am not referring to anyone having issues with their gender identity or physical body. The "Not Like Other Girls" meme/phrase refers to adult or teen women who think their traits make them unique unlike other women, such as not liking makeup, being into cars, etc.
First up, I want to share The Asshole Theory with you - this will be important later. The saying goes "If you encounter an asshole today, that person is an asshole. If you encounter assholes all day, you're probably the asshole".
As a child of the 80's/90's, I grew up with the typical gender stereotypes of that time, particularly living in a small, conservative, NZ town. Girls liked Barbie, Boys like G.I. Joe, and unless you had siblings you could use as an excuse, it wasn't very acceptable to play with a toy for the opposite gender. These days, I know lots of young boys with pink unicorn gumboots, man buns/ponytails and Frozen toys, and girls who wear Spiderman t-shirts and play with dinosaurs and that's all OK. Our generation grew up with nursery rhymes like "What Are Little Girls Made Of", and some ghastly picture books like "Peepo", it was a different way of thinking.
So now there's a generation of us, in our 30's and 40's who have been conditioned to believe that "women are women, and men are men". But there's no reason why we have to like and do the traditional things anymore. I grew up loving Spiderman and dinosaurs and I'll let you in on a secret, my vagina hasn't fallen off. There is no set rule on what makes a women, or what makes a man.
"I only hang out with guys because women are such drama".
Right, here's where the Asshole Rule comes in. If 'all women are drama', I've got news for you - you're the drama. You can never say an entire demographic of people are a certain way. There are definitely a fair share of high drama, petty women out there, there are also a fair amount of men who aren't worthy to be friends with either. If 'other women don't like you', you need to take a good look at why that might be.
I also hate the expression "women are bitches". Yip, some are. Absolutely. Some men are dicks too. There's a great line from the movie Mean Girls along the lines of when we call each other words like 'bitch' and 'whore', we as women are giving men permission to refer to us that way too. If we treat each other with more respect, hopefully our gender will be given more respect by men as well. If we tear each other down, no wonder so many women think other women are all 'petty bitches'.
"I don't wear makeup, skimpy clothes, don't like romance movies or the colour pink, I'M not like other girls".
A large percentage of women don't like those things either, you're not exactly alone. And for the women who do enjoy those things, that's ok! It's silly to look down on someone for enjoying makeup, or the clothes they like or what they enjoy watching - that is petty behaviour.
I enjoy makeup as a hobby, I'm a very creative person and have fun with it when I get time to use it, and I do see comments online about how women are into makeup to attract men, they're insecure, etc. Oh, grow up. I'm a busy mum who lives in trackpants and a dressing gown, married to a man who has witnessed some things in childbirth that no partner should ever have to see. Trust me I am not out there picking up men in Pak n Save while I try to rock a dark blue lipstick (spoiler alert - I can't 'rock' a dark blue lipstick). It just gives me a quick creative outlet as I rarely get time to setup art supplies and do something more serious.
Women have the right to enjoy whatever interests, hobbies and careers they choose. A hairdresser, teacher or stay home mother are just as valid in their roles as a women who becomes an engineer, accountant or lawyer. If you like reading Dickens, or prefer Woman's Day magazine, why should anyone care?
Support each other. Let other women be comfortable in whatever lifestyle they choose to lead. Stop saying you're "not like other girls" because a 'girl' can be anything, literally anything, she chooses to be.
